So you like someone. I mean you really like someone. That special someone that you feel could add an extra touch of meaning to your life, to make it all the more worthwhile. You think about it, but you know it could never happen. You're not what they'd be looking for. Then that feeling hits your veins: What if you have a shot? People always question why you're still single. Anyone who knows you struggles to understand it, maybe feeling that you just don't want a relationship or, as the hushed theories would suggest, that there's some hidden reason along the lines of your own reluctance. So what are you to do? And why the b'jaysus are you still on the shelf!?
You allow yourself to hope. It's the age of mobile communication so you pluck up the courage to type out that text or email. It's not easy but you get it done. It's overly formal and only if you're feeling particularly confident, or perhaps just as nervous, will you try and include something casual or even jovial. Then you second guess yourself. This is make or break time but let's just take it that this is one of those occasions on which you gulp back that necessary courage and send that message. And then you wait....
....and you wait some more....
This is when your mind betrays your earlier self-belief. Now you re-read the message you sent. Obsessively, compulsively you check that outgoing communication to see if you got the contact right. You sent it to the right person alright.
"Oh fuck! Did I accidentally insult them? Did I mis-type 'yours faithfully' as 'you're a gobshite'?"
Sure it's unlikely, but stress induced Tourette's is always in the back of your mind as a distinct possibility. Then you wonder whether you were too formal; does anyone stick so rigidly on ceremony these days? That's when it hits you:
"Did I send it to the right person!?"
Sure you've been here before but were you really thorough enough? Yep, that was the right place to send the message....
....so you wait some more....
Now, I can take rejection. It's not ideal, but if they at least get back to you to say "I'm flattered but -insert excuse here-" you can have some closure. It's alright if they tell you that they're not interested cos, quite frankly, you have the face of a gargoyle. Or even that when they think of a potential mate combined with the word "hump", that hunch in your back isn't what they had in mind. It's the waiting that makes it so unbearable. Even more than the waiting, it's the eventual realisation that this person just isn't going to reply that hurts the most. Rejection is one thing, being ignored is quiite another.
Imagine how it would feel for that to happen on a continuing basis. Done? Now imagine how it would feel for that pattern to carry on for just over two years. With me on this? Even try to think of how it would be for you if, in that time, some of these people who did not respond to your advances were ones that you felt could be "the one". Consider checking back surreptitiously, while hoping for their reply, only to discover that they've found someone else. Pretty difficult to stomach? Absolutely! And now remember that people were already whispering about your inability to nail someone down (in a non-crucificationy kinda way, of course) when it had just been a month or two of relative failure. People you barely know are questioning those who know you better, even best. It's impacting on how you are viewed by strangers and those that truly matter. Stressful?
Well now imagine how this would read if I were to substitute the ideal of a romantic entanglement with the prospect of a job. These were not prospective lovers, these were prospective employers. Cos you better believe that it's no less difficult being under that spotlight.
Welcome to my world, take a seat and stay a while. Cos it's getting kinda cold and lonely in here on my own.
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