A guide to life and love in a syphilised society

Can I just start by expressing my deepest condolences to anyone who has either happened upon this diary of morose ramblings by sheer bad luck, bad judgement or by having been linked here by an unhinged "friend" of theirs who really should have known better. In addition, I'd like to state that I'm not usually quite as bleak as I have recently expressed myself to be. That's a whole new facet to my winning personality and one I am cultivating in order to pair with the lisp I am endeavouring to effect. It's a work in progress, but my word it shall be magnificent when put alongside a top hat and a monocle!

Now, where was I supposed to be....oh yeah....

On occasion, I am given great reason to fear for the future of this country. This is as a result of noticing the inherent stupidity permeating our society.
"What has brought this to your attention today in particular?" I believe I heard nobody ask. Well the thing is....

As previously suggested, I've been having a little trouble getting back on the employment horse. It's a metaphorical horse. I've wondered why I've been overlooked and lacking so much as a single reply to my applications in recent months, even for jobs I have seen myself as over-qualified for. Then I came across an ad upon a job hunting website this fine eve. Nothing fancy, just some data entry dealy that merely questioned as to whether the applicant was computer literate. This query perturbed me. First up is the fact that the job was advertised on the internet, which I am led to believe is mostly accessed through computers. This theory occurred to me after my repeated attempts at accessing my email through communication with my shoe left me frustrated, bloodied and shoeless. Then came my greatest cause for concern (well one part concern, two parts outrage, and seven parts giggling)- "Do you are computer literate?". That question sprung out at me like a misused shoe through a window. A job involving computer work, requesting specifically someone with the ability to type coherently, clearly posted by someone with the intelligence of the illegitimate spawn of a man and his sibling....who happened to be a traffic cone. Yet recent experience tells me I'm unlikely to receive a call back on this position. It might not have helped to threaten them as I did in my attached cover letter but I have been running out of ideas.

Also troubling was my having borne witness to, on this the coldest day since the last cold one (yesterday), a young lady wrapped warmly in a scarf and, as near as I could tell, nothing else. Alright, so I say "nothing else", when really she was at least wearing an inane smile painted upon her bronzed face too. What a trooper! Here it is, the key to life and love in a syphilised society as viewed by the future rulers of the world- frostbite is the sexiest thing you can bring to the party. Maybe I'm being harsh. Perhaps the layers of fluorescent spray paint acting as her tan were insulating her. Perhaps the amount of CFCs she used to perfect that oh so sought after back combed style (looking as though she'd just been party to some overly aggressive hair pulling by a crazed gibbon at the zoo) had created some sort of localised greenhouse effect to keep her warm and toasty. Sadly the most likely reason is that she was on her way out to get pissed in a field and shag some guy in the toilets of Burger King. I suppose body warmth has its benefits but I still wanted to throw my shoes at her. After extensive communication with them though, we decided it best not pursue such an avenue. Nigel is a sensible moccasin. Useless as a means of accessing the internet, but reliable when it comes to matters of sound judgement.

What can we do to address the issue of young folk and their burgeoning careers as walking (tottering really) STD machines? Probably nothing sadly. We're doomed everybody. So goodnight and remember that the next pair of legs you see dangling from a hedge could belong to the future president of this country.