The Loop and The Voice

Tonight, I bore witness to "The Loop" and "Disembodied Voice". Join me in reliving the moments.

I shall keep the victim of tonight's loop protected behind a veil of anonymity (I know that sounds like something from a Harry Potter book, but it's merely as I like putting things in fancy language). The following is a story inspired wholly by real events with only names altered to protect those with a mind consisting almost exclusively of something surely resembling pudding.

It begins.

Subject: "We fixed the bread."

Me: "The....what!?"

Subject: "The problem with the bread....the bread door....fixed."

Me: -blank stare of confusion and horror, masking the fact that I am fully aware of what the subject is trying to say. They. Must. Learn.-

Subject: -a confused panic manifests in their facial expression, yet they attempt not to betray this in their speaking-

"...the....bread....(!)....the....BREAD...."

Me: -blank stare has been replaced by sinisterly arched eyebrow and a vaguely condescending tone-

"What are you saying?"

Subject: -genuine confusion growing by the second, now impossible to disguise-

"....the freezer bread....the bread freezer....(!)"

....AND THEN IT HAPPENED....

Disembodied Voice: "Lose the word 'bread'."

Subject: -with renewed confidence and vigour- "We fixed the freezer."

....and thus, "THE LOOP" was broken.

Me: "I know, I fixed it earlier."

OK, so maybe I don't come out of this looking like the most "swell" or "neat" guy (I'm still trying to catch up with the fashionable buzz words, alright!?) but that is not important right now. What matters is the point that I had never before faced such a beautiful loop. It was tragically entertaining. The best thing since sliced....bread.

Yet more important was the discovery of this disembodied voice. All I could think of was the value that this discovery could have brought to my life. The potential impact is immense.

Me: "....just shut up! You're completely wrong! How could you even...."

Disembodied Voice: "Let it go and she may sleep with you."

Me: "....Totally my fault."

Me: "I'll just pull the car into my drive-way."

Disembodied Voice: "You will crash into your own house....again. The damage will be severe this time."

Me: "On second thought, I'll just leave it outside, parked by the road."

Potential Employer: "So what do you feel you could bring to the company?"

Disembodied Voice: "Do not, under any circumstances say what you are thinking. They will not appreciate it as a joke. It will not end well."

Me: "Well, I have some suspicious pictures and an inclination to resort to blackmail...."

Yes., because sometimes even the voice would not be enough to persuade me to abandon my own stupid leanings.