Day 2
09:40 Functioning computer again. Success. Full cast of characters for today's events are as follows: The Mad Hatter (hey, how ya doin'?), and Maleficent at the front, with boss folk Pocahontas and the returning Mufasa in the back after two weeks of freedom.
09:53 Emails are working today, which is a nice change of pace. A not so short ramble sent just to me by a customer about a matter over which I hold no sway. Sorry mate. Good start.
10:02 A phone call? At this time!? Probably just a wrong number....No! Tickets? I can sell tickets! Customer is clearly mistaken in questioning our pricing for the....wait, he's got a point. Brochure misprint. Balls. Oh well.
10:11 Yes, I see you standing in front of me, trying to catch my attention like I haven't noticed you. You're about a foot from my face, and wearing a hi-vis jacket; trust me, I've spotted you, but I'm kind of in the middle of dealing with a customer's booking right now, so chill. You'll need to go to Stage Door.
10:13 Hark! A spider hath invaded! Maleficent is resisting my urging to kill Cecil, as she has named the bastard arachnid. "He said nasty stuff about your wee boy". A flicker of murderous rage is restrained when she considers the likely falsehood of my statement. So close. The spider lives.
10:29 Maleficent is sneezing. Further updates as the death toll rises.
10:30 A really tall lady just walked by the box office, waving heroically. As I know the really tall lady in question, I basically thrust my arms in the air like a child wanting to be picked up in response. She was outside and in motion so she did not lift me. Shame.
10:31 People are now starting to request changes to their self chosen Disney aliases. These things are binding, folks.
11:14 New show on sale. It's about films and stuff. I love films and stuff! Couple of seats on reserve for me so.
11:36 "Hi there? I was just speaking to a colleague of yours? She was a woman?". The upward inflection at the end of your sentences makes you sound very uncertain of certainties, madam?
12:03 We're now all gathered around a screen to watch cringe-worthy late 80s/early 90s music videos. Angry Anderson's Suddenly and East 17's It's Alright are so shockingly fucking enthralling.
12:11 Boyzone? I draw the line!
12:28 Boyzone dancing on the Late Late. This is....it's not good.
13:06 A call from [company name], confirming yesterday's reservation. Traci making the call today, but no mention of the fact that the call may be recorded for training purposes. They're slipping.
13:08 The first mention of an occurrence that is all too common here- an auld lad approaching the locked doors with a sign on them saying "Please use other entrance door". There's even a big red arrow pointing to the unlocked double doors beside them. In addition to being unlocked, these doors are wide open at present. He chooses to ignore this and vigorously shake the locked doors. We make eye contact. His face wordlessly pleads for me to grant him entrance to our theatre, as I simply point to the wide open space to his left. He instead fixes his gaze on the sign displaying our opening times, and checks his watch. Yep, we are supposed to be open right now. Indeed, we are open. There's an entrance beside you with children running in and out of it. He walks past them to the next set of locked doors.
13:10 Our confused potential customer has found his way inside, more through luck than judgement. Has he booked his season ticket already? Yes, he sure has. Grand so, and he's off. He walks to the locked doors and gives them a futile shake, before a gust of wind mercifully guides him out.
13:22 "I can't help you with that. Please call Stage Door."
13:30 Lunch. This won't be pleasant.
13:39 "Why are you not dead?" Mufasa booms. I reckon this means my frequent lunch choice of Buttons and crisps is not seen as an entirely health conscious choice.
14:11 The first grumbled mentions of playing Cards Against Humanity to kill time.
14:13 I have received a call from a woman who is clearly trapped inside a washing machine. Maybe it's just a bad connection? "IT'S JUST MAH PHONE'S MICROPHONE!" she bellows. She wants to know ticket prices for an upcoming show. "HOW MUCH!? AH'M NO AFFORDIN' THAT!". And just as quickly as she entered my life, she was gone. I'll miss the beautiful timbre of her voice most of all.
14:15 Mufasa is off to the shops to buy chocolate. A chant of "Mufasa's a hero!" fills the box office for all too brief a time.
14:18 Mufasa has decided against going out. You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself to become the bastard who cried "chocolate".
14:19 Pocahontas is off to buy biscuits for the box office. Unlike that fake hero from earlier who broke our hearts, she follows through.
14:28 BISCUITS HAVE RETURNED! Also Pocahontas. And thus, Cards Against Humanity is afoot.
14:36 Incest card. Boom!
15:09 Many of these cards remind me of Cinderella's romantic endeavours. Like that one time she had a fling with the spiritual manifestation of the Japanese concept of loneliness, and he was pretty chill. Frankly we all expected that to be quite rough, but when it ended he was really cool about it. An all round good guy, really. We're all still friends with him, and think that, for an existential construct, he could have done a lot better than Cinderella anyway.
16:08 Well this got dark, surprising no-one. Courtesy of Cards Against Humanity's prompting- Vladimir Putin's favourite meal? Glory holes stuffed with the heart of a child.
16:14 Customer! Bertie Big Bollocks over here's just gone and sold a couple of tickets for a show in October. Get in! Still, if you confess that your attempts to book online have been hamstrung by your own inability to work "the bloody personal computer", maybe it's best not to take on a snarky tone when I read your address back to you and it turns out to be incorrect. The address that YOU ENTERED!
16:15 Game on!
16:48 And the final scores are in from today's Cards Against Humanity extravaganza:
Mufasa- 20
Mad Hatter- 11
Pocahontas- 6
Maleficent- 6
Good hustle, everybody. There has been a quantifiable increase in euphemisms and inappropriate humour marking Mufasa's return to the pride today. It being a coincidence is highly unlikely.
16:58 And like clockwork, one arrives. Sorry Maleficent, but you've got a customer.
17:00 Screw solidarity, I'm out of here. Phones are off, doors are closed. Mad Hatter out. Til tomorrow.
Time killed mostly with: So many horrible jokes about children.
Total ticket sales
Cinderella: 4
Flounder: 2
Maleficent: 3
Deebs AKA Mad Hatter: 5
Pocahontas: 2
Mufasa: 0
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